It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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