He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
