I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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