I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
