what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
