I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
