i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
