We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
