every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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