Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
