All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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