So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
