she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
