i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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