I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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