Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just googled if crying burns calories
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
