this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She bit a glass in half.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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