put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
