I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
