he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
