If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My liver just had a heart attack.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
