the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
