I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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