I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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