Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
