fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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