why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
