Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
