the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
