Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
