Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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