so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
