I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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