my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
