You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
