i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
