When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
