I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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