I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
