Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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