That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
