If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
