They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I look better un-naked...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize