Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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