it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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