'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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