my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
