Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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