You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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