She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
