i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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