Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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