So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
