I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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