cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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