You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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