I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
