We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
