Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
