you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he just fucked me for my cheese.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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