Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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