I hate all girls vehemently.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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