No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize