so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize