i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
