I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
