Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize