And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
