he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
