paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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