You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
