there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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