Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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