well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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