Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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