Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
