wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
