I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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