My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
we're so committed to being not committed
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
