ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
