So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My bed smells like the plague
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize