I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
