can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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