I showed him my bush... on skype.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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