after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
